A normal, sunny day. When, suddenly….
BOOM NOISE
A figure appears in the static of every television on Earth. They place one hand on a hip, the other holding a rose above their head. There is only one person it can be: the dastardly Dr. TightPants!
“That’s Sexy TightPants!”
Nobody thinks that.
“Behold,” he says, “I am the amazing Dr. TightPants. My pants are so tight as to leave nothing to the imagination, and by doing so will suck all of the imagination out of all who see them. And now—”
The signal goes blank. What has happened? We zoom over to the villain’s evil layer on the volcanic island of Tasecksi’forma’sherp. Zooming in, through the window below the bright pink crop top, we find the dastard ordering his henchfolk around.
“Find what happened! Who cut the feed?”
Who cut the feed indeed? Why, but one person, who swoops in on a cloud of smoke and a spontaneous burst of sea foam. It’s Captain Romance Cover.
“Hello!” He says, flashing a smile, the brightness of which blinds Dr. TightPants’ henchpeople.
“It’s too beautiful!” They scream.
The Head Honchos, having blocked their eyes, charge in. But one swivel of Captain Romance Cover’s chiseled chin slices them to ribbons.
“Ah, but I have resumed the feed. How will you stop me now?” Dr. TightPants jumps bulge-first, everything on display.
But Captain Romance Cover’s handsomeness protects him from such skullduggery.
“How? By my flaming thighs of courage!” He rubs them together like heat to a tinder. Engorged flames spurt from his neathers in great bursting eruptions. Soon, the entire lab is engulfed and the camera equipment is destroyed.
“Curse you!” Screams Dr. TightPants as he flies away on his crotch rocket.
What horrendous plan will he find next? What depth of scummery will he sink to? Just how does he actually slip into those pants?
“I’ll never tell!”
Those are questions for another time, for justice has saved the day, and boy is it handsome!
“And boy, are you now wet.” (ding)
No comments:
Post a Comment