A beautiful day in the city of Surburbura. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, it’s the perfect weather to go indoors for some necessary shopping. Our heroic couple travel the aisles of the local combined mattress and home cleaning store: Sweep Dreams. Ever in the moment, the tips of their fingers never fail to touch.
“How fares this one, dearest?”
“Effortlessly springy. You know how I love a good bounce.”
“Only too well.”
Other families prowl the aisles, what could possibly go wrong in this consumer section of bliss?
What wrong indeed. As fast as snakes and as slinky as snails, the coils of the mattresses burst out and ensnare helpless passersby. Dragging them back and forcing them into untoward positions, they all scream in confused erogeny.
“What is going on? This seems like a most contrived plot?”
“Darling, I have a secret blemish of which I never told you: a mole upon my bum!”
“Que horror! And we only just met.”
What horror indeed! What kind of monster would do such a thing?
“Bwa ha ha ha!” Rising from the pile of twigs and branches in the middle of the store, it’s none other than that most contriving of villains: Le Smut!
“Who cares if it makes sense, as long as it makes hard!”
Similarly entangled is our shimmering duo.
“Oh, there seems to be some marital disagreements. What say you to stopping this fan ficking fooligan now?”
“My dear, I never say anything until I’m finished.”
“Sweetums!”
“Oh, alright. But it does have a good bounce.”
“And it’s 50% off, this day only, sale ends at the heat death of the universe.”
With his chiseled chin of steel, Captain Romance Cover arises from the bed, the remaining coils of metal ripping at his clothes.
The mattress is not the only thing 50% off.
“And now that we are free, do you know what I love best about cleaning?”
“Is it the dreamwork?”
“My dear, I think you mean teamwork.”
“Didist I stutter?”
Now freed, their shreds of clothing fluttering in the sudden and intense breeze, the two waltz down the aisle as a hurricane of passion. Grabbing dustpan and broom, they sweep up Le Smut’s sticky mess and throw it into the Home and Good’s brand Villain Incinerator.
“As seen on TV.”
“Wow! It really works.”
“I shall come again!”
“Come again!”
“What a simply marvelous idea. Let’s!”
And once again, the day is saved, thanks to Captain and Major Romance Cover!
“Why yes, we would like this mattress, only someone seems to have soiled all over it.”
“Why major, you naughty dame!”
“I guess I shall have to be punished with a good bounce when we get home.”
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